I love you, Anxious Self.
I never thought I’d say those words. I didn’t think we’d ever have a relationship that wasn’t burdened with my trying to keep you hidden away, too afraid to let others see you. I wasn’t able to see you with compassion, only with shame. I didn’t want to claim you. I used to see all the ways I thought you were ruining my life without seeing that you were just learning how to let yourself be loved. You’ve been learning how to allow yourself to receive because it never felt safe and it never felt normal.
You thought you had to pursue, convince, and plead. You’d overthink and panic…I just wanted to turn you off and numb you out. I was ashamed of your neediness, your obsession, your endless fascination with trying to figure people out so you could get love. I was afraid of the terror that you would feel; the free-falling panic, always waiting for the other shoe to drop, helpless to control it.
To read the full blog, head here: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2022/05/a-love-letter-to-anxious-attachment/
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